Tired of choosing between a boring Elf or a Dwarf? Try a Pastamancer or an Accordion Thief!
I'm the first one to admit that I have neither the patience, nor the attention span, nor the devotion required to play most online games. The character development and quests are usually way too complicated and require too much of my rather limited leisure time. However, about four and a half years ago, a friend pointed me towards a game that is both simplistic and engaging, and, by far, one of the best MMORPGs on the market. Best of all, it's totally, completely, one hundred percent free!
The Kingdom of Loathing was created on January 31st, 2003, by Asymmetrical Publications, owned by Zack “Jick” Johnson and Josh “Mr. Skullhead” Nite. The project began as a joke, and evolved into an MMORPG that satirizes and pokes fun at not only the rest of the genre, but pop culture as well, including references ranging from “Dungeons & Dragons” to “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle” to “Indiana Jones”. It's different from all other games in the genre in that the graphics are all very simple stick figures, which cuts down tremendously on loading time. It is web-based - in order to play you need to buy neither software nor hardware - all you need is an internet connection, a mouse, and (recommended) a drink and some munchies close by. There is also an optional Java client that runs well on Linux.
You control how fast or slow you want to progress through the quests; burn through them as quickly as possible to beat the game, or take your time and do various side quests, or simply wander around the many areas available. There are other features to explore, including a radio station, optional player-vs-player, and a chat with many channels and lots of experienced players willing to help “noobs”.
The game is turn-based – you are given a certain number of “adventures” each day (usually 40), and may use as many as you like; plus, you keep any adventures you don't use – there's no penalty for not using your whole allotment in one day. Instead, every night during Rollover (a half-hour period during which the system updates) your new adventures are added to the ones already remaining, until you get to the cap of 200. So, if you're like me, and only have a few minutes to spare, you can log in, play 10 adventures or so, and save the rest for later. You can also add adventures to your stock by eating food and drinking booze in the game.
In addition, the game never really ends! Once you beat the final “boss”, the Naughty Sorceress (available as a quest after you reach Level 13), and free King Ralph XI, you “Ascend”, spend a little time wandering around Valhalla (yes, it is a reference to the Warriors Heaven of Norse mythology), and then can reincarnate and play the game all over again! If you choose, you can make the game a little harder by choosing different “Ascension Pathways” (after you beat the game once on normal mode) like “Boozetefarian” (where you can only drink alcohol to add adventures), “Teetotalitarian” (only food, no alcohol), or “Oxygenarian” (neither food nor alcohol). Or you can choose Hardcore mode, which makes the game even more difficult by restricting you from buying items at the Flea Market and the Mall, forcing you to acquire them while adventuring. However, this is all by a player's choice! The only thing you are required to choose when reincarnating is a Star Sign, which, based on which Sign you choose, opens up certain specialized areas of the game. You can ascend and reincarnate as many times as you choose – the current record for Normal Ascensions is held by player Bashy – 482.
One of the coolest features of the game is Radio KOL. It's an internet radio show that can be heard on either a 24k or 64k broadcast stream. It exhibits a wide variety of DJs, all of whom play the game, and who play a vast array of music, and, not matter what, there's always something cool to listen to. Plus, at least once a week you can chat with Jick and Mr. Skullhead, the game's creators, during their live broadcast! Check Radio KOL's website for the full schedule, connection details, and DJ profiles.
However, I feel I must warn readers of one thing – this game is extremely addictive! Because it is constantly growing, with new areas, quests, and items being added all the time, the game is never really the same twice in a row. I can guarantee you'll find yourself sneaking in a few turns on your lunch break and watching the clock until closing time because you're itching to get home and play. Whether you're a hardcore gamer or a casual one, you'll be a fan of “Kingdom of Loathing” in no time! An Addict is You!
-- Sarah VanOstrand